Whole

The only obsession everyone wants: ‘love’. People think that in falling in love they make themselves whole?!? The platonic union of souls?!

I think otherwise.

I think you’re whole before you begin. And the love fractures you. You’re whole, and then you’re cracked open.

— Philip Roth

 

http://intherain.org/?p=169

Octopussy

Exactly at October 19, 2010 is my 1st Anniversary in Petronas!

I am loving every single minute with my team since Day 1. The work fits my personality and their technical demands is in line with what I had done during my Ph.D. There are definitely stressful times (like now!), where your brains are worked up 24-7 and you thought you just had a power nap in the office which turned up to be an hour's sleep at work! Opps! Since 1st anniversary is always known as 'Paper' anniversary = I have to say that I am given papers and tonnes of reports to do (Quarterly report, Annual Report, Monthly Report, you name it). Konon I am good in English here and I've been writing scientific reports during my Ph.D. years (but errr, wait til they read my pasar English in this blog). And errr...I am actually supposed to simplify all scientific reports here to layman's report. So, kononlah I am good in scientific report which doesn't fit the requirement anyway! Wuahahaha.

My department ppl are such foodie ppl, that I get FOC food all the time - Nasi Arab, Nasi Lemak, Nasi whatever, Bakso, Roti Jala, Sphagetti, etc.. Obviously no one here lets me cook - tak halal marr. Which makes me the luckiest person here! I am already known to just bring my stomach. Okay, okay, I did bring a watermelon or an apple or two. Only when being coerced.



Hari Raya company open house. HUGE HUGE HUGE buffet. YUmmmms



Makaning on the floor :)

I am known as the coffee addict at office. Who doesn't know that, eh? My colleague made me stop drinking coffee cause she saw me I drink at least two cups while in office - and if there's a meeting, make that three. Balik rumah, drink again...

My team had a team photo recently. My superior said this would be a photo full of great memories; might be our last (we all know why *wink*). Don't we all look like we came out from some penitentiary or what!??!!

BTW, half of my working life is actually in this huge 'prison cell' a.k.a greenhouse that requires hard labour. No matter how tough it is, I kinda enjoy every minute of it, esp. when you can start to reap what you sow, literally.

'prison cell' with plants.

soo amazing. plants growing soo well. All my hard labour.

October was also my luckiest month cause I get to see Adam Lambert live in KL! VIP seats some more. *muaks FP* His Falsetto is totally True. Better than what u imagined on TV's American Idol. Flawless. Such a handsome guy, but he needs a bit of gym work out. Spot his flabby arms while he danced gayfully :P I am still dreaming of the chances of being with him.

Next: My Halloween Party at my apartment 30 Oct 2010 7.30 pm. Wait for my personal invite. I will personally PM y'all.

Theme: Halloween, of course (hint: bedak sejuk).

Bad Romance! LOL!!!

I was sooo exhausted from everything that has happened this few weeks. First, was I had literally a work overload which i initially thought I could cope, but I obviously couldn't. I went down sick last Wednesday due to stress (I was not sick for half a year already!). Then, came more reports to write; my company's kinda having their mid year appraisal; and last but not least, I had a disease called 'Procrastination' - which elevated whatever workload I already had!

I stumbled upon this video from a blog I followed. It totally cheered me up! It totally released 50% of my stress. You need to watch this: It made my day!!! I hope it made yours too. It would be one of the cutest skit ever done. One of the best music videos by Gaga, became this:



BTW, it reminded me of Chin Yee & Ling2's wedding where the heng-tais went up to sing Robbie William's "Better Man". They were all soooo brave and amazingly 'prepared'. HOWEVER, what would be more interesting is that, I am putting (imagining) if my friends were these students who did Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance".




Take care y'all! ZzzzZzzzZZZ

I am confused:

• Oh gosh, my blusher is running out. Nope it's actually more like - broken into pieces! I need one like right NOW. I'm confused: some say you can use your lipstick/lip gloss as blusher. Is that true?

• The first time in Pacific Coffee, I was immediately overwhelmed with awe with its interior. But I am confused: The wireless internet connection did go connect eventhough the baristas kept insisting the pwd and username was right (digi broadband rejected the pwd/username). Sheeesh....

• I can't find time to teach swimming; there's no more space for new members too. And yet I keep sayingYES to every new potential student: mostly ah chee ah chor who wants to bring their kids or themselves (aunties) to swim. Some as far as Kepong! I am confused: With myself, cause I always wonder why I can't say 'no'.  **errr...maybe the money's good? Incentive to work marr...

• I lost my pendrive (the new one). I hope I misplaced it somewhere in the car. I am confused: I think I remembered not bringing it out from my home. So then, where is it? Cannot be....so important!

• I told him YES that I'm coming, but now I decided to go against it. So, I am confused: With myself again!

• But one thing I am not confused. And I know I made the right decision by saying NO to the romantic approaches of:
• A married man (scandal giler!),
• A man who doesn't believe in marriage (he told me on the first date that marriage is pointless),
• A man who already has a gf (and what's worst, she was soo nice to me),

         in a span of a week!
   

Confused:Not confused is 5:1, therefore...

I am still confused.

I did a Social Experiment....

Early this February, I told my a dear friend that I was bored with FB. He was laughing it off. But I still am. Today, I am sick of it. There's nothing much to look in there in actual fact. All of ppl's rubbish and crap feelings, includ. mine, I admit. Gives you soooo much negativity, doesn't it? Emo. Some purportedly put these statuses up to gain sympathy and/or gain comments so that you can also sympathize with them. They demand a comment/response as if it is what they deserve. If, so, I prefer to meet face to face.


"So that everyone will care about what you feel" - Nope, that's not what I wanted in the first place. Many statuses are MISINTEPRETED. A whole hell lot of SPECULATION in FB; even positive msges can be speculative. It's useless. Sometimes, I do believe the status has no meaning in it. Many just simply click on 'like' although it has nothing to do with u at all. Don't perasan. What a shame to be trigger-happy on FB!! Tsk Tsk.

One time, I did a social experiment and post a nonsense msg (simply write a stupid depressed msg, which I totally create out of nothing :P ) - and guess what?! Ppl go and comment and wrote so-called 'positive' comments on it. Tricked! Kena bluffed. Hahahaha...For the fun of it.

Well, this is what FB is for anyway. For kaypoh ppl and sensitive ppl to dwell upon. As if what I wrote is true. I love social experiments; I made-up statuses on FB to see how perasan ppl react. I accept that it is a social media where ppl are sooo kaypoh and they start speculating what it actually meant, and eventually (as always) most ppl got the whole meaning WRONG! Gosh, I put up some sad song from YouTube, then they misinterpreted it that the status is about them or is about me being sad. Comments like: "Don't be to sad. Life will be better" pops up!? Huh? I shared a sad song, but that doesn't mean I am sad! That's why, I prefer Twitter where most status goes unnoticed! Maybe it's just me, I like low profile.

***Some ppl are perasan giler. Go get a life! Why do you think everything I say or DO must be related to you (sensitive!) or you must know (kaypoh). Who are you to me that demands my attention? Why some ppl so kaypoh in what you do on FB vs. ACTUALLY really meant? If I untagged my photos, it's just means that I don't like my facial expression and how I look in that photo, it DOESN'T MEAN ANY THING ELSE. NOTHING ELSE. IT DOESN'T MEAN I DISLIKE YOU BEING IN THE SAME PICTURE AS I, GET IT!?!?!?! My reasons are as simple as that. Why sooo sensitive and emo over what I do? Even my mum don't give a damn, why should you? Democracy - I get to do what I like to do. Thanks for being kaypoh over what I do on FB. Get a life of your own, pls! Fuck off.

Lately, I've been receiving all sorts of negative stuffs and connotations in FB. Worst still, it has been clogging up my mailbox. Gmail allows you to prioritize your emails lately, but to me, it's still a whole lot of mails. I created a new gmail solely for my FB msg already....

Yes...which ultimately leads to what I am about to say: I am quitting FB. Just FB. No one knows what happens to me anymore. But if you do, then Twitter me. Or Buzz me. Or chat with me (I need to say this too: I loathe FB chats!; interface sucks). Want to go out yum cha? - call me. Also, my company is slowly monitoring on websites that staffs are surfing on. I don't want to be top of the chart and/or being categorized as an FB-addict at work. :P I am totally moving away (I'll try).

I believe it will remove all negativity that some fb-friends have indirectly imposed upon me. If you wanna see me, or miss me, then text me....like it always have been. Come out face-to-face to meet. I am sooo willing! SMS me whenever u like. Don't FB me as it'll not be read. Though I know u like to pose all your happy pics (just like I did before), I don't give a damn anymore. I am posting all my pics in Picasa.

I won't lose anything. I won't lose True friends. I won't lose connectivity. I've seen many of my friends not having/not updating FB, and lose nothing. That's what I call Life.

So, want to know what I do daily then? .....

...."DON'T SOOO KAY POH LAH"....

P/S: This is also a social experiment for me, to see if I can live for months/years without FB.




Fullstop to FB.

The L word

As ppl move on, I don't think if this post will ever bring much meaning to many. Many of my friends has passed this stage. And a stage where I believed will never get out off. A stage where love was still not found, or yet to be found and where I loneliness seemed inevitable. I am late to mature; I am late to have found real love or to be truly loved. A time where I almost believe that I should only devote everything to myself (and love myself selfishly) and devote to myself alone because no one else ever will. Past experiences have led me to believe that Love was never there. I am afraid to admit, but as much as I want Love, it's difficult for me to receive it. Past experiences has dissappointed me ample times, leaving me unable me to let love into my life. I query Love. I always sabotage all love that I received because deep down, I thought I'd never deserve it. I am told that good things come unexpectedly and good things come to ppl who are patient. I hope this is true.

Lately, I have shown aloofness to my many, dampening off any of their hopes into digging into my life further. They try to korek (actually you don't have to. If you are sincere in asking, I will tell u everything about myself. EVERYTHING). No one needs to korek anything from me. When I tell you, it certainly does mean that I WANT TO tell you. And if I don't feel like telling you about my life, you expect answers such as: "I'm doing great!" (a partial lie), or "Just the same old me lahh" (3/4 lie) or better even "Nothing new lately" (that's definitely a lie!). Don't ask me; I will tell you. Don't dig; let me tell you.

I am such a big-prawn head ( I am proud of it, for I share a similar trait to Thomas Edison :P). That is why I try to keep one of the date in July 2010 glued into my brains, repeating it daily, making sure I'll never forget it: 2*July 2010. The day where I could not stop myself from wondering if the decision that was made that day was a dream or reality. It was all too quick, but it was a Yes - a subtle acceptance has caused my soul to go into a to stir, a battlezone between my stubbornness and pure imminence. My brains and heart battles hard between "What have I gotten myself into?? versus "I want this, cause I have always been waiting for this moment". Nevertheless, I am grateful for his kind, caring and sincere love shown to me til now. The bravest man I've ever met!

When you get into a r/ship, the whole environment changes. All your selfish devotions to your ownself now translates to US or WE.  Less of I or Me. I pray to change. Change me into a person who is not selfish (hyper-independence syndrome :)) , and able to love and accept love. I do not want to dissappoint, but pls give me time to change. Give me time to accept your kindness and care. Allow me to make mistakes.

I am ready. But give me time. Give me time to start loving again. Give me time to allow love to enter  into my life (once more).


July is coming to an end and I wonder what has gotten into me cause I just realised that this is my first post of the month. Compared to the previous years, I was more actively updating my blog compared to this year. This month alone, yes...only ONE. There's always a first time for everything. :)

THE GREAT SINGAPORE SAIL!

It's the GREAT Sg. (sungai?) SALE!

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/singaporeseen/index.jsp 

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/this_urban_jungle/394710/heavy_rains_cause_severe_flooding_along_orchard_road.html

Heard that Hermes store was affected by the flood.

I want to be at Ground Zero itself... looking for any Hermes bag, just in case there's one floating on Orchard Road!!

Yes, yes...there it is!!!

Jakun diving (macam kat Tasik Chini)!? Tak pernah tengok banjir ke?

(Disclaimer: no offence, but maybe this guy was abt to save someone. good samaritan) 

Feverish pace...

For regular readers, it's not like you didn't notice...but I've changed my blog design just few days back. The new design has a glass of wine as the background in replacement of my fav beverage (it still is!): Coffee. The glass of wine represents...errr...pretty much nothing. Don't ask me why Wine instead of Coffee. No reason. Me and my idiosyncratic way of writing remained.


This year, I've been much quieter. There's a lot happening around me and my life but there's doesn't seem to be any correct time to write it. My Twitter and Facebook have been the main podcast of my life; however it's good to generally update you with my going-ons:

1. Scuba Diving at Perhentian Islands Kecil and Besar (27-30 May 2010):

I am pretty glad with the trip that we've planned. I've clocked in 8 amazing and very very challenging dives!! I just gotten my diving license in Jan 2010, so compared the rest of my diving buddies (Kenny, Chin Yee, Ling2), I'm still novice when it comes to open water dives, which btw cost you guys a wreckage dive :(

Perhentian was a very very pleasant place to dive and with an awesome Dive Master from a We-Will-Do-Everything-For-You-Including-Washing-Your-BCD Dive Centre @Watercolours, I could not ask for more!

Highlights of the 8 open-water dives:
1. 3-legged turtle eating weeds very gelojoh-ly!
2. A scary looking Moray eel,
3. Chin Yee (and sometime I do too) trying to spot a nudibranch w/o help of divemaster. Futile.
4. A giant i.e. 1.5m sting ray!
5. Cleaner-shrimp giving all of us a manicure.
6. Very strong undercurrent and low visibility at dive spots: at Batu Nisan & Lighthouse. Challenging!
7. An annoying Digi Yellowman who lost his dive-buddy and bumping on us all over *benci*.

We stayed at Watercolours' Impiani resort/chalet. Our chalets is very high on top of the hill with a great great view fr the balcony. The food is pretty good and the services by the staffs were very friendly. But a lot of mosquitoes and biawak, gecko!!!







From the Impiani's chalet balcony. Other pics from this trip: http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/cchivy/DivingAtPerhentianIsland2730May2010?feat=directlink

2. My birthday 8 June 2010:

My besties organized a pre-bday dinner for me at The Apartment, The Curve sempena my 2*th bday. I do feel older. Even some pictures do show. I browsed through all my bday photos throughout the years and did noticed the changes in myself through the years: I looked less cute, but mature, wiser, and prettier...no? :P

On my bday itself, I was FFK-ed by my own family for a bday celebration. I was dissappointed but nevertheless someone special was there to cheer me up. Japanese food for me! YUMMS for the unagi I ordered. Huge portion some more. I totally recommend this place to our AsiaCafe-no-more-gang. Go to: Kissaten @ IOI Boulevard.

1. Run Run Run and what comes with it:

An all new Ipod Nano as a b'day gift. It will make a good accessory for my running. Next run will be at SCKL21km, and there's no better running companion than this amazing mp3 player.

But more importantly is an earphone that doesn't dislodge from your ears when u run + sweat. I suffered during the 15km run during Pacesetters in May because I kept pressing the earphones to my ears the whole run. Doesn't work. Maybe my ear-hole is not 'standard' size. Too big.

So I've gotten a new pair of earphones also from the Apple Store. A very good buy, sumbatan yang baik, boleh memendekkan the tali, and more importantly good bass.

  Then I forgot: Remind me to return the Ipod Shuffle to Cal girl!!!

3. Fever: Makan bola, Tidur bola, Pakai bola...

I wished it didn't happen so soon. But it is June 2010 and it's imminent. I will definitely lose some huge amount of sleep. Plus, I always am a big football fan, I can't help it. In English premier league, I support ManUtd, but in World Cup, I support the footballer. No wayne, no lionel; Yes to Kaka.

There are 3 places in my house where you won't miss the WC schedule: I put one above my headrest of my bed at the wardrobe; one huge fourfourtwo piece at the kitchen wall; one more at my kitchen table.

Sorry Bun, but you're right...I have gotten myself a FourFourTwo magazine plus a Time edition of the world cup.  I am trying to get hold of every information of the WC as I can. Once every four years marrr...










But what folly!!!!!! I don't even subscribe to the Astro's Sports Package!!!

I thought I'd just depend on my RTM...but alamak...found out only 35 Perlawanan terpilih je.....

Dear all,

I've never asked for too much. I'm often quite contented with life. Also quite modest in my wantings. But this year, I want all of you to pls continue to support me and everything I pursue: my career, my r/ships, my travels, and my adventures.

Thank You to all of u for giving me a great year. This is year will be another good one.

Luv, Ivy

My Sister's Keeper

The movie was first introduced by my younger brother who himself cried twice over the same movie. Sorry, an understatement - he SOBBED!

If you think you've cried enough in Nicholas Sparks' ultimate romantic movie 'The Notebook', the same director has once again relived *sniff sniff* your crying experience in Picoult's 'My Sister's Keeper'. Definitely a different plot, but this director has never failed to ignite the emotions of belonging, agape love and most definitely - the issue of live and death through his movies.

Abigail Breslin played the genetically-engineered younger sister that was 'brought to this world' for the sole purpose of supplying her leukemia-striken sister with her organs and bone marrow fluids. While her acting has been acknowledged with a nomination by the Oscars for best supporting actress in the Academy award-winning film 'Little Miss Sunshine, she acted decently well as the little sister though her role was not as outstanding as in the latter. I have to also give credit to Cameron Diaz as mum in this film - I never thought she could act so convincingly in such deep-issued-laden movie because I've always compared her to former movies like "There's Something about Mary" (loved it!) and the latest release "Knight and Day" with *vomit* Tom Cruise.

While I tagged "Little Miss Sunshine" as one of my best movie experience of all time, "My Sister's Keeper" presently tops them all!

The movie made me sob; it made FP sob to the max. But definitely a good-kinda sob.....


Ratings: 8/10

Am I seeing wrong?

Monday Blues. Capital Blue, because just came back fr a great diving escapade in Perhentian! (will blog when I have the mood).

And while force-feeding myself with some knowledge, my eyes got soo droopy, I am still still wondering if I am seeing this right:



This kept me awake for a moment. For a second.


OK, Off to bed.