3 Peas for my Big 3-0: Politics, Passion, Priorities

Indeed I have a lot of explanation to do. I have a lot to explain to the followers of this blog and to myself after being MIA for > 2 months (from this blog), which is quite unlike me. Who doesn't know that I love to rant and write. And yet, I still cannot comprehend this awkward difficulty in expressing myself lately. Even as I am typing now, there is still much reluctance. Reluctance in thoughts. Well, even my idol, Stephen Hawking said that some things are memang inexplicable. I have so much to tell (if u know me well, I always do) but words doesn't spell (and spill) out as easily as before. You may say it's a 'writer's block' but I digress. I call it errr...'stagflation'. If you've gone to economics class (I did mine in NUS and fared badly; should have stuck my classic sciences :P), it's a combination of being fake-ly 'high-spirited', but probably compensating for the stagnancy in my life.

Wow, I found another 8th of June baby at office!

Politics. These two MIA months were actually critical months in my career. My company is (still) going through a huge re-org and I found myself in a limbo. Shoved around. Found out that during such times, words are mere words if there are no actions. Promises were made and broken. A position in the company that was 'promised' to me, in which I was also eyeing for, was taken away without remorse. Such that I was the last one standing, in a game of musical chairs. Pretty much makes me the loser in this ruthless game. Of course, it's pretty normal in any company; many have journeyed through a similar path. I could only do two things: Quit or Stay. Office politics is as shitty as Malaysian politics. But the solution to politics is 'easy': You stay or you quit. (as per Singapore NDP 2002's speech by ex-premier Goh Chok Tong). You stay: you are doomed. You quit: politics will come find you wherever you are. Sooner or later, you're doomed.

Relationships: This 2 months has gladly shown me who are the people who don't give a damn about your life and those who genuinely do, who puts you down cause they envy your success, who understands your needs or those that plays down your aspirations by knowingly giving you shitty advice.  At this point, it was ridiculously easy to pick out the ones that REALLY care and you care for too. Also those who makes use of you and your money, and those who thinks I am a nice girl, found out that I am not!

Doesn't feel great to be thrown around and letting the company or your anyone else decide your future. I need to decide my own future. But in turbulent times, a silver lining appears: The situation has allowed me to re-assess my priorities, my wants and more importantly - my passion. It the midst of chaos (and it was chaotic), I sorta found myself. Learnt more about what I want in life. What my limitations are. What my strengths are. By now, I am 70% sure in what I want (that's quite high by my standards!). These two months was a debate between passion vs. money; relationships vs. invasion; heart vs. mind.



Makan-makan with my senior colleague.

Passion. What is passion actually? Probably it's just stuffs that you enjoy doing. My passion was swimming. Then, it was Aikido. Later, it was my doctoral research where I was delighted to see fungus growing out of any thing. I also found out that passion changes over time. It's vulnerably fluid. I currently enjoy running, which is definitely my passion today. All I talk about lately is about running, the shoes, the races, the training, etc. But hey, passion doesn't pay your bills! I run but it's not good enough to beat those (angry) Kenyans or Japanese to stand on the podium with a mock cheque of USD8,000. So, to some people, stop asking me quit my job to do what I am passionate about. Let me tell you, I can't do running as a job. Read my lips: It doesn't pay my bills. Maybe, not at this moment. Hopefully one day, I shall find my TRUE(?) passion. But whatever it is, I hope to find a job/passion that fits my out-going, bubbly personality.



Priorities. You can see where my priorities lie even in this blogpost itself. Chronologically. Notice that I always speak about career first......then you do the maths. Maybe that's where the problem lies when it comes to r/ship. More on r/ships next time. That would be in another post. Maybe several posts :P :P 


Tomorrow, I'll be hitting the Big three-Oh. I reflected back on what I've gone through for the past 30 years (wait...I barely have any memories of my first 5 years after birth, so it's 25 years) - the bitter-sweet memories, unforgettable travels, joyous occasions, big achievements, horrendous mistakes, life-changing moments, plain dumb decisions , and weird paths chosen - that led me to where I am today, I know I am blessed. I am also grateful, though slightly unsatisfied (I am still human being marr!),. I did come to conclusion that God do not allow me have everything, because if he does, I won't turn to Him anymore. Change, Loss and Pain are unavoidable. Growth is optional. "My prayer is you'll keep growing in love, knowledge and insight" - Philippians 1:9

Happy Birthday, Ivy. And grow up!

My WISHLIST

Exactly these:

Prada sunglasses

Taylor Swift's mane

GSC GoldClass Movie Ticket on a good movie

Sony Ericsson C510

Bikini-ready hot bod

Burberry Heather tote

The All New Honda City in red

Keurig coffee brewer brewing a 'blue mountain'

Birthday Potluck

For all those mahjong-ers out there, to me, nobody is comparable to Chris Thoo! As of now, you are a born walking mahjong calculator. Fipink's house on a night ago was a "swimmer's" paradise. But I won like soooo many rounds of mahjong that I deemed was SKILLS (ahem!) rather than LUCK. Chris must be eating his brains off trying to beat me , but I would like to thank first and foremost - my sifu of mahjong since secondary school - Fipink!

Those not playing mahjong resorted to watching DVD entitled "Host". It's about a GM-mutated, giant, absolutely carnivorous, walking fish (read:tadpole) eating up the whole Korean town. This movie reminded me of "Black Sheep" but in Host, the mutated tadpole was working singly in mutilating everyone in the town. It's a movie for the 'pure-entertainment' seekers. Verdict: Lame.

I brough my home made salad and coleslaw to Fipink's place. Some bought pizza, chicken, satay, etc. but the ultimate crowd puller was mahjong sifu Chris Thoo's rectangular lasagne (but Chris insisted it was NOT lasagne). Whatever it is, it was this powdery sprinklets on top of the lasagne that cause a lot of suspicion!! :P And we all girls protested it was THAT powder that caused our instant addiction to his dish. Chris, you've made all those women out there looked like they can't even cook half-boiled eggs.

Thanks Fipink & Kenny for opening their homes and messing their place. And hi to Ee Soon and gf.





Next up: Aquaria, sleep overs, Serendah, Chris' b'day (yeah, Chris is cooking) :P

For pictures of Fee Peng's b'day party, please click HERE .

Sleeping late.

There's never a reason for me to sleep late, but recently I am baffled by the continual line of events that made my eyes popped-up like a panda. (At least, pandas are cute). First, I was soo indulged with the video-making software that I my brains would not rest if I hadn't figure out how to edit a video. I thought Macromedia Flash was an easy task, but I literally just decide to abandon and delete the whole programme. Couldn't figure out how to use it. Never an IT expert. My brains was already reaching its max capacity trying to work through the software. Worst than Ph.D.

Then, came my birthday. Once you eat tooo full (great dinner!), and once you had friends bunking at your place - definitely FAREWELL to goodnite's sleeps. Two nights of literally no sleeps at all can drain the life out of you. I was terribly sleepy. Thanks Kingy and JN for coming to my lab and help me autoclaving and making cotton plugs. (Ooh, I forgot you guys don't have Friendster!).

Of course, the final chain of event would be the World Cup. As an avid football/soccer fan, I just can't miss any good matches. My eyes would be fixed to the TV and my ass glued to the chair. Still, 3am matches is too much for me.

Oh ya, Aikido grading is coming. Once you attend the late night classes: your body sweats, your heart keeps pounding and your brains keep figuring out the techniques - YOU WILL NEVER SLEEP.

As am I am typing, Czech Republic scored 2 goals. Only 37 min. The USA is never good in soccer, but the Aussies shocked me! Must be my fav formaer Leeds' player - Kewell!